Insider Outlook

It grieves me to hear people complain. I do, however, understand the source of their wailing. Let’s face it, we all have needs. I would rather be a little taller for my weight, and would not have elected to have lost so much hair already. These are minor things for the purpose of demonstration, but most people have a much deeper set of issues that must be addressed. Most of the time the issues are too embarassing to discuss with just anyone, and the ones we can talk to have shared so many of their own problems that it would be foolish to seek advice from them. So, we appear stuck.

Everyone has developed a persona. We wear certain kinds of clothes, drive certain types of vehicles, and believe specific ways when it comes to politics and religion. We would never be seen in certain stores or hanging out in different neighborhoods. It is all about impression.

The things we would never be caught doing, saying, or thinking are the very boundaries that cause the suffering we Buddhists talk about so much. Because we have settled on a particular persona, the things that do not fit in are used to draw an imaginary boundary between each other. Since it neatly distinguishes a clear divider among people, that must mean that each person has a seperate being. All of a sudden, we are individuals competing for resources to reinforce our own persona. We somehow feel gratified when we can sneak and leverage resources to make our persona more noticeable or distinct. Ironically, that only makes us more like everyone else.

In America, we are standing knee deep in resources from far and near. We can decorate our homes in the latest fashion from Europe or Australia. We eat food from a hundred countries every week, and we can walk from one church to any number of others. Unfortunately, we seem to be the most unhappy people on Earth. Depression, divorce, crime, partisan politics, and religious tampering with morals are all tied to unhappiness. Incredibly, we still have homeless and hungry poeple in the richest land in the world. In my opinion, this is because the competition for resources never ends once it gets started. We are crying out in hunger with our mouths full.

We do not believe that there is such a thing as enough, and that is a shameful blessing.

The way around this seeming competition is to drop the persona enhancement plan. Let the persona develop naturally, taking the alterations and subtle shifts gracefully. You must understand that the persona is fluid, otherwise you would not be so busy trying to change it. The time has come to let it go, to develop without assistance, to flow freely. Having a mind full of preferences only dams the flow and cuts off tributaries until you are nothing but a stagnant pool. As the drive to magnify the persona drops away, your innate freedom becomes more easily accessed. Reduce the self-imposed limits and your range of motion increases dramatically. With no persona to defend, there are no artificial barriers.

In this way, you become more than the old narrow definition of yourself. That old “self” has burst at the seams and popped open. From here, you can only see the shells of others struggling to be opened. This is the root of compassion.

Ah, the sound of silence! What lengths we will go to find this elusive treat. We drive for 30 minutes, hike up a trail for another 30 minutes, and only then do we finally sit down to enjoy silence. We act like we could not find it anywhere else. We do not have it in supply in the city, and it is a natural resource found only in the wild. Nothing could be further from the truth.

In our work a day world, we are constantly doing something, going places, or complaining that we are not. We have somehow lost our ability to work in silence. The true shame is that the source of noise is our own prattling and mealy mouthing. We don’t like this, that is too much, it was better then, there is not enough time now….blah, blah, blah.

The work we do everyday does not require a constant narrative. To get through traffic, we just have to drive amongst other cars. How you feel about the other drivers and your overriding sense of self preservation are totally optional. They certainly add a certain “je ne sais quoi,” but it doesn’t really help you steer or maintain a safe braking distance. These are mere associations, they are not the activity itself. The associations are extra, but not required.

The same thing happens when we seek silence. In our rustling through things to find it, we end up stirring up such a thunder storm that we cannot find anything, much less silence. We go to great trouble to make silence. We somehow see silence as a place we have to travel to, or a thing to come into the presence of. Naturally, this is a totally delusional endeavor.

Stop what you are doing and look around. There it is. When you stop making noise, the silence returns. It is the noise that is artificial and fleeting. The noise is what is being made. Silence is a natural state of things. When no noise is made, silence pervades.

The true skill is to walk comfortably among noise and silence. You maintain poise when a thunderstorm of thoughts buffet your mind, and you stand gracefully in the silence of deep engagement. This is real freedom, to become liberated from desires for either state. Only here would either be fine. This inner silence is more than just noise or quiet. With inner silence, neither can disrupt the constant state.

Aside from the run of the mill desires and cravings, the self will get bent on enlightenment. This is especially true if there has been even a brief exposure to a true bodhisattva. Under normal circumstances, this is a good thing. If left unchecked, however, this desire becomes another roadblock. The self will drive the acquisition of something new and different, something exciting, something it can enjoy. The quest for something valuable will go on forever and never be satisfied.

You know the catch already…Enlightenment only happens when the self is no longer around, it is given up, when there is only clear consciousness without the interference of a self. If the self is around to enjoy it, it cannot be genuine. This is a substantial misunderstanding, but very common. The delusion about the interplay of self and other is so subtle that it is very difficult to see through. It is so close, we cannot see it or properly detect it’s continuing distortions.

When the state of enlightenment is perceived as a freedom from self, that is getting closer, but it still infers something perceived by a perceiver. Just don’t be labeling things you experience, or be reflecting on your feelings, desires, and failures. To overcome the roadblock, work instead on giving things up. Give up your greediness, impatience, destructive habits, and enmity. When these are destroyed, you expose what they have been covering up, the original bright enlightenment. Who needs more than this?

I keep thinking of my time at the monastery when I am in a reflective mood or need a good example to communicate something difficult to explain. Just being there is an exercise for the average westerner, and I think after several trips over, most would get the hang of it without much fuss. It is just the first few that must be taken with determination.

I had finished a page of koans, and had written out the traditional answers to return to the Roshi at the next dokusan. I saw a monk coming with an envelope. He said “Koans,” and I responded in Japanese, “No thanks.” He paused. Then, he said in English, “Sorry” and broke into a huge smile. Well, that did it. I took the envelope.

He knew without thinking that I was playing, but at the same time he could identify with the feeling. In fact, I would venture to say that anyone who has seriously worked on koans would understand. They are a serious drag, but the greatest source of liberation when they become clear. Back to the monk.

For that moment, we stood as twins. He betrayed his own hard work when he related to my reluctance. We both knew the seeming silliness of what we were doing, but neither of us would trade it for anything. Indeed, there is nothing else to do anyway. The smile transcended words. My recognition of the smile transcended words. Language is simply utilitarian, why do we get so twisted up in who said what?

We all sit quietly in the dimmed room. The delegates are sobbing and can barely say their thanks. The candle is passed one to another until everyone has had their say. Then it is our turn. This really is a big deal, because Advisors do not normally say something at the closing ceremony. This is something new at our Anytown.

I hear the others gush and speak from the heart to the room of new family. The candle comes to me and I say, “If this candle were the things we have taught you this week, this is what I want you to do with it.” I pass it to Annette.

The skills we teach are no good until they are shared, taught to others. In the teaching of others the goals of the lessons themselves are realized. The lessons are about developing skill with expedient means. When thoroughly understood, the skill is seen to be the ability to teach according to situation, with anything at hand.

The suffering we cure is largely self-imposed, but depends on everything else for context. It is our own ability to discriminate and generalize that puts us at odds with others. When used skillfully, that same skill is what cuts through the veil and liberates us. This is when we are able to see each other as an individual and as part of a single family. Only then can true compassion be released from it’s cage.