I keep thinking of my time at the monastery when I am in a reflective mood or need a good example to communicate something difficult to explain. Just being there is an exercise for the average westerner, and I think after several trips over, most would get the hang of it without much fuss. It is just the first few that must be taken with determination.
I had finished a page of koans, and had written out the traditional answers to return to the Roshi at the next dokusan. I saw a monk coming with an envelope. He said “Koans,” and I responded in Japanese, “No thanks.” He paused. Then, he said in English, “Sorry” and broke into a huge smile. Well, that did it. I took the envelope.
He knew without thinking that I was playing, but at the same time he could identify with the feeling. In fact, I would venture to say that anyone who has seriously worked on koans would understand. They are a serious drag, but the greatest source of liberation when they become clear. Back to the monk.
For that moment, we stood as twins. He betrayed his own hard work when he related to my reluctance. We both knew the seeming silliness of what we were doing, but neither of us would trade it for anything. Indeed, there is nothing else to do anyway. The smile transcended words. My recognition of the smile transcended words. Language is simply utilitarian, why do we get so twisted up in who said what?